It's been a little over a month since I last posted in here, but of course I have thoughts churning in my head that I need to get out, so here I am once again.
So we are on day 50-something of staying at home to prevent the spread of the coronavirus, as Trevor Noah likes to remind everyone at the beginning of "The Daily Social Distancing Show." However, the governor of my state, Larry Hogan, recently announced that as of today Maryland can transition from a "Stay Home Order" to a "Safer At Home Order" as of today. Yeah, a lot of government jargon for transitioning to phase one of reopening.
But. The way the news presented it was as if it was a state-wide reopening, when it's really just that individual counties have permission to begin that process. I don't know why we don't just go county/region-by-region as New York has. Because I currently live in Prince George's County, which has been the hot zone in MD for this infection, and we are definitely not ready to reopen yet. Unfortunately.
And guess what? I think this lockdown sucks, and I want it to end sooner rather than later. And/but/and I ALSO want to be safe when doing so, and to minimize necessary deaths and save lives wherever possible.
I've just been so frustrated at the discourse around reopening. First off, everyone seems to think the economy is either "open" or "closed," when truly we've been something in the middle this whole time, because of course essential businesses are essential.
And then it has taken on a hyper-partisan tone, where conservative = prioritizing the economy over lives and liberal = comfortable with a strict lockdown no matter how long that goes on. It may be a reaction to the Trump administration's egregious mishandling of this pandemic from the beginning, but in actuality "reopening" is far more complex than that.
A friend on Facebook suggested that Governor Hogan was pressured by the lockdown protesters into reopening prematurely. Her husband questioned this, and I have to say I agree with him. From what I had been reading, Hogan had always been about making sure certain measures were in place before beginning reopening. And yeah, they aren't for much of the Baltimore-Washington region, so I am wondering why this "reopening" was announced as if it is a state-wide thing. And I'm wondering even more why more of those 500,000 covid-19 tests Hogan got from South Korea haven't made there way to PG County.
But overall I still like and respect Larry Hogan. He's the rare Republican who hasn't sold his soul to the Trumpsters, so I don't know why he would now. And he seems to have always had a plan for combating this virus beyond just sitting on his ass like the guy in the White House.
Because the truth is that we need to be taking measures to gradually, safely reopen at some point. Saving lives matters, but so do people's livelihoods, and their mental health/quality-of-life, etc. etc. I accept that Prince George's County isn't there yet, and perhaps won't be for awhile. But I wish there was more nuanced discourse about the how and when, and yes, why, of reopening.
Friday, May 15, 2020
Sunday, April 5, 2020
Notes From the Coronavirus Apocolypse (And Other Notes) Part II
I last posted in here three weeks ago, and things on the coronavirus front are even more dire. Maryland has a "stay at home order," which basically means Larry Hogan is taking this shit seriously and legally enforcing social distancing.
And just like 3 weeks ago, I've still been experiencing a roller coaster of emotions. On Twitter, Shannon Dingle, who lost her husband in a freak accident last year, named the emotion all of us have been going through as grief, and I was like, ya know what, I think she is on to something.
Of course she is. Our culture isn't great with grief, and even worse when the grief isn't over an actual death. But grappling with our sense of "normal" changing overnight is grief too. And it explains the emotional roller coaster: I keep cycling back and forth through the "stages," because grief isn't linear. I've arrived at acceptance a few times since three weeks ago, only to go back to denial or anger or sadness.
The anger has been interesting. There has been the (perhaps petty?) anger over the overall crumbliness of life with necessitated social distancing, over the lack of choice and the frustration of canceled plans, but then there is also anger over the incompetence of our administration and over how unprepared America was to deal with a pandemic even before Trump got into office. And the anger at the partiers flaunting social distance, although if I am going to be honest, and I am because this is my blog, I'm also angry at those who in THEIR anger become smug and self-righteous about staying home. And the people who spread misinformation online. Yeah. Lots of anger for lots of reasons.
But I do arrive at moments of acceptance. And I've also been heartened by human resilience and the way people find joy and beauty even in the midst of panic, uncertainty, illness, and, well, crap. On Monday, a former high school classmate of mine live-streamed an impromptu "socially distanced" wedding (she had to cancel her plans for an April wedding but wanted to seal the deal anyway.) It was her and her new husband, a few family members (fewer than 8), and the priest in a church parking lot, and it was somehow more beautiful than a run-of-the-mill wedding with a hundred guests.
And then there was the video of the woman singing Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah" from a balcony in Italy. Such a beautiful song to begin with, and even more poignant in these tumultuous times.
And now some entertainment notes that DON'T have directly to do with the coronavirus, because my mind needs a respite once in a while.
1) I finished reading "The Woman At the Window." And while I said this wasn't about coronavirus, I do have to note that reading a novel about an agoraphobic felt weirdly timely during the coronavirus stay-at-home order. But anyway...while this novel was extremely similar to another thriller about a woman with mental health and drinking issues who witnesses a crime, "The Girl on the Train" (even the titles are similar), I felt this one was better written and more compelling than "The Girl on the Train." A film adaptation of "The Woman at the Window" was supposed to be released in May, but at this point, who knows?
2) I've also been getting in to the miniseries adaptation of "Little Fires Everywhere" lately. I think I may even like it more than the book. But among other things, the 90s-era soundtrack is awesome. Especially the Alanis Morrisete additions. "Uninvited" fit the scene perfectly, but Izzy playing a violin rendition of "You Oughta Know" was even more perfect.
And just like 3 weeks ago, I've still been experiencing a roller coaster of emotions. On Twitter, Shannon Dingle, who lost her husband in a freak accident last year, named the emotion all of us have been going through as grief, and I was like, ya know what, I think she is on to something.
Of course she is. Our culture isn't great with grief, and even worse when the grief isn't over an actual death. But grappling with our sense of "normal" changing overnight is grief too. And it explains the emotional roller coaster: I keep cycling back and forth through the "stages," because grief isn't linear. I've arrived at acceptance a few times since three weeks ago, only to go back to denial or anger or sadness.
The anger has been interesting. There has been the (perhaps petty?) anger over the overall crumbliness of life with necessitated social distancing, over the lack of choice and the frustration of canceled plans, but then there is also anger over the incompetence of our administration and over how unprepared America was to deal with a pandemic even before Trump got into office. And the anger at the partiers flaunting social distance, although if I am going to be honest, and I am because this is my blog, I'm also angry at those who in THEIR anger become smug and self-righteous about staying home. And the people who spread misinformation online. Yeah. Lots of anger for lots of reasons.
But I do arrive at moments of acceptance. And I've also been heartened by human resilience and the way people find joy and beauty even in the midst of panic, uncertainty, illness, and, well, crap. On Monday, a former high school classmate of mine live-streamed an impromptu "socially distanced" wedding (she had to cancel her plans for an April wedding but wanted to seal the deal anyway.) It was her and her new husband, a few family members (fewer than 8), and the priest in a church parking lot, and it was somehow more beautiful than a run-of-the-mill wedding with a hundred guests.
And then there was the video of the woman singing Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah" from a balcony in Italy. Such a beautiful song to begin with, and even more poignant in these tumultuous times.
And now some entertainment notes that DON'T have directly to do with the coronavirus, because my mind needs a respite once in a while.
1) I finished reading "The Woman At the Window." And while I said this wasn't about coronavirus, I do have to note that reading a novel about an agoraphobic felt weirdly timely during the coronavirus stay-at-home order. But anyway...while this novel was extremely similar to another thriller about a woman with mental health and drinking issues who witnesses a crime, "The Girl on the Train" (even the titles are similar), I felt this one was better written and more compelling than "The Girl on the Train." A film adaptation of "The Woman at the Window" was supposed to be released in May, but at this point, who knows?
2) I've also been getting in to the miniseries adaptation of "Little Fires Everywhere" lately. I think I may even like it more than the book. But among other things, the 90s-era soundtrack is awesome. Especially the Alanis Morrisete additions. "Uninvited" fit the scene perfectly, but Izzy playing a violin rendition of "You Oughta Know" was even more perfect.
Tuesday, March 17, 2020
Notes from the Coronavirus Apocalypse - Part I
I thought now would be a perfect time to go back to this blog that I never write in, because I sense I am living in historical times right now that demand a record. But not happy historic times.
No, it's now been a few days (not sure exactly how many) since the World Health Organization declared the new coronavirus, also known as COVID-19, a global pandemic. During that time, as the virus spread from China across the globe including into nearly every state in the US, people stockpiled hand sanitizer (ok, I get it) and toilet paper (why??), governments everywhere encouraged hand washing and "social distancing," and sports leagues, restaurants, schools, and more shut down.
It's been an emotional roller coaster of a few weeks for me. Oh, and I started a new job on March 2 as well.
So I feel like I need somewhere I can express my honest emotions, not the emotions I feel I'm "supposed to" have at this time. This blog feels like a safe place to do that, since it doesn't get much readership.
So back to that emotional roller coaster...I've felt pretty much every emotion one can feel over the past couple of weeks: anxiety, fear, frustration, disappointment, "selfish anger" as John Oliver put it...and maybe some anger that is less selfish as well. I dunno. Oh, right, there's the guilt. That's been a dominant emotion for me behind all the other emotions.
It's caused me to realize how much a sense of guilt is wrapped up in my normal, garden-variety generalized anxiety. Guilt that my feelings are "bad" and "wrong," that I'm selfish or childish or petty. And then now there's also the guilt that I may harm people without even realizing it.
This for me has been compounded by the news media's coverage of the coronavirus as much as the anxiety/fear/panic. That's what's unique about this damn virus, that a sizable number of people get it and spread it while having symptoms no more severe that those of a cold. And yeah, though I've told few people, I haven't been feeling altogether well for this past week and a half. Thankfully no one in my household or at work (seems to be) sick. But who knew what anxiety having a cold in the time of coronavirus could cause?
And then the other emotion I forgot to mention, which is also wrapped up with all the others, is confusion. I understand a lot from reading probably too much news on this virus. I understand that social distancing is needed to "flatten the curve" and not overwhelm our healthcare system. But what exactly does social distancing entail? It changes every day. First it was no large group gatherings, which went from like 500 people to 250 to 50 to like 10! I'll do what the CDC and local governments recommend to keep this damn virus from spreading out of control. But then there are times when I wonder if we are going too far, and then I feel guilty about THAT. Like...why are the libraries closed to patrons who want to check out books/DVDs/whatever chosen materials? Are self-checkouts and extra hand sanitizer not enough?
I of course am concerned less for me and more for the more vulnerable in our society (my dad is 81). But I'm also just looking forward to all of this being over and life returning to normal. Because coronavirus is a bitch in all kinds of ways, including how it's disrupting our economy and just our daily life. And if that's "selfish anger," well, that's what I got right now.
No, it's now been a few days (not sure exactly how many) since the World Health Organization declared the new coronavirus, also known as COVID-19, a global pandemic. During that time, as the virus spread from China across the globe including into nearly every state in the US, people stockpiled hand sanitizer (ok, I get it) and toilet paper (why??), governments everywhere encouraged hand washing and "social distancing," and sports leagues, restaurants, schools, and more shut down.
It's been an emotional roller coaster of a few weeks for me. Oh, and I started a new job on March 2 as well.
So I feel like I need somewhere I can express my honest emotions, not the emotions I feel I'm "supposed to" have at this time. This blog feels like a safe place to do that, since it doesn't get much readership.
So back to that emotional roller coaster...I've felt pretty much every emotion one can feel over the past couple of weeks: anxiety, fear, frustration, disappointment, "selfish anger" as John Oliver put it...and maybe some anger that is less selfish as well. I dunno. Oh, right, there's the guilt. That's been a dominant emotion for me behind all the other emotions.
It's caused me to realize how much a sense of guilt is wrapped up in my normal, garden-variety generalized anxiety. Guilt that my feelings are "bad" and "wrong," that I'm selfish or childish or petty. And then now there's also the guilt that I may harm people without even realizing it.
This for me has been compounded by the news media's coverage of the coronavirus as much as the anxiety/fear/panic. That's what's unique about this damn virus, that a sizable number of people get it and spread it while having symptoms no more severe that those of a cold. And yeah, though I've told few people, I haven't been feeling altogether well for this past week and a half. Thankfully no one in my household or at work (seems to be) sick. But who knew what anxiety having a cold in the time of coronavirus could cause?
And then the other emotion I forgot to mention, which is also wrapped up with all the others, is confusion. I understand a lot from reading probably too much news on this virus. I understand that social distancing is needed to "flatten the curve" and not overwhelm our healthcare system. But what exactly does social distancing entail? It changes every day. First it was no large group gatherings, which went from like 500 people to 250 to 50 to like 10! I'll do what the CDC and local governments recommend to keep this damn virus from spreading out of control. But then there are times when I wonder if we are going too far, and then I feel guilty about THAT. Like...why are the libraries closed to patrons who want to check out books/DVDs/whatever chosen materials? Are self-checkouts and extra hand sanitizer not enough?
I of course am concerned less for me and more for the more vulnerable in our society (my dad is 81). But I'm also just looking forward to all of this being over and life returning to normal. Because coronavirus is a bitch in all kinds of ways, including how it's disrupting our economy and just our daily life. And if that's "selfish anger," well, that's what I got right now.
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