Santa: Lie or Developmentally Normal Fantasy?

Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus...

wrote the New York Sun back in 1897.

But wait, some would say. Why would they lie to children like that, and why do we lie to children by perpetuating Santa Claus?

This was a conversation I had with a co-worker a few weeks ago, and it brought me back to an article I wrote a few years ago for the now-defunct Yahoo Contributor Network saying what I felt the need to write about again: calling Santa a "lie" totally misses the point that the New York Sun understood.

Telling children about Santa and letting them believe in Santa isn't lying to them, it's teaching them a myth/story/legend that has resonating truths that go far beyond childhood.

Santa, of course, is based on the 3rd century Greek St. Nicholas. But just because the jolly fat man living at the North Pole isn't real doesn't mean there is harm in children believing in his existence. After all, children naturally believe in a lot of things that aren't real: monsters under the bed, fairies, the Easter bunny, the list goes on. Believing in the reality of these myths is just what children do, and it is adults who try to impose their rational minds on children's instead of appreciating the gifts of their youthful spirits.

These are all beliefs that children grow out of in time, but there is no harm in allowing them. And I have never met anyone who has been emotionally scarred by finding out Santa wasn't real, nor anyone who distrusted adults because of the "lie." They simply shed their belief in time, some sooner and some later, as their understanding of reality vs. fantasy blossomed. And that can happen without shunning the fantasy.

After all, there is meaning and wonder behind the fantasy. Not only depression but also cynicism can create in adults a strict rationality that forgets that there is always meaning behind myth. So let the children believe, and stop referring to Santa Claus as a "lie." 

I Officially Have a Love-Hate Relationship With This Time of Year...

Things I Love

First off, it's just beautiful out, with the leaves changing and such.

And the weather is often quite lovely, a nice temperate moderation between the sweltering of summer and the dead chill of winter...at least in the earlier months of fall.

I do love all the festivities too, even though Thanksgiving seems to get swallowed up by Christmas.

I love me some pumpkin-spice everything, and some apple cider donuts...

Things I Hate 

The worst thing about fall to me is the reminder that winter is almost here. Yeah, I don't like winter. I'm not a fan of the cold, and when it starts getting dark at dinner time I tend to get depressed. So November is always meh for me in that way.

I also don't like that I just plain don't know how to dress for this time of year. Layers work, I guess, but I find the huge gaps in temperature between day and night to be irritating.

And I can't stand how dry my skin is all the time. Usually my legs are the worst, but the past couple of days my lips have been chapped as hell too. Ugh.

So, yeah, I can't say I totally love fall. Love-hate is much more like it.

I Still Love U2...

We got language so we can communicate
Religion so I can love and hate
Music so I can exaggerate my pain, and give it a name... 

Baby every dog on the street
Knows that we’re in love with defeat
Are we ready to be swept off our feet
And stop chasing
Every breaking wave?

Coping With Depression

In the wake of Robin Williams' suicide, more celebrities are coming forward with their battles with depression. The latest is Wayne Brady, who I've long been a fan of from Who's Line Is It Anyway.

 As someone who has dealt with depression firsthand, it is refreshing to see people like Brady speaking out. The stigma needs to be erased, and people need to know that they are not alone. People need to know that there are others who arrive at the other end of the tunnel.

 Of course, I am a firm believer in medication, in addition to talk therapy, for those who need it. After all, we wouldn't tell a diabetic not to take insulin, and the brain is no different than any other organ in terms of malfunctioning. However, depression is psychological, physiological, mental, emotional, and spiritual, and as such requires holistic approaches to treatment/daily management. And taking time to care for one's mental health on a daily basis is important for everyone, depression or not.

My friend Athena recently wrote a list of ways to cope with depression. She doesn't have a blog (uses facebook notes), otherwise I would link. The following are some of her suggestions combined with my own, with any direct quotes credited to her:

Exercise!
Cardiovascular exercise releases "happy hormones" known as endorphins, and exercise in general is good for the mind and spirit as well as the body. While it can be hard to "get moving" when depressed, setting time for regular exercise can increase feelings of competency and agency as well as increasing overall mood.

Better yet, exercise outside when you can. "Sunlight does a mind good," and although it can be hard to get outside in the colder months, any of that Vitamin D you can get is a good thing especially at that time of year.

Dancing is also great exercise to tackle depression. As Athena notes,  "it is good exercise and usually it is hard to be down when dancing, so choose activities where you brain has to follow a healthy body."

Also try yoga; yoga poses are known to quiet the mind and soothe anxiety.

Remember That You Need People
Depression can cause people from isolating themselves from those who love them, but this only makes things worse. So try to say yes to social engagements, and seek out close friends and trusted confidants to open up to. But stay mindful of how others' unhealthy or toxic behaviors rub off on you, and set firm boundaries when needed. The key is finding people who lift you up and limiting interactions that bring you down.

Practice Good Self-Care 
Take good care of your mind, body, and spirit. Along with healthy exercise, eating well and getting adequate sleep are essential for managing depression. And taking time to not only care for basic hygiene, but even dress up will leave you feeling better about yourself, even when you'd rather lounge in pajamas all day.

Limit excess caffeine, alcohol, and sugar. Technically, I'm not supposed to drink while on my antidepressant; however, my psychiatrist told me that a drink or two a week is not problematic. I've never been a huge drinker, so it's easy for me to limit my consumption. But while alcohol may seem to give a quick emotional fix, it is addictive for many and not helpful as a long-term coping mechanism for any. Caffeine and sugar likewise provide a momentary high followed often by a crash; for many including myself caffeine can add to anxiety so I try (often unsuccessfully...) to limit it.

Think Positive
Yes, no one is "positive" 24-7, let alone those with clinical depression. But we do have a choice of what we focus our mental energies on. I used to think of gratitude lists as hokey and kind of phony, but they really do help me keep my mind of what is good in my life, regardless of how I am feeling.

Doing a good turn for others can also help lift depressive systems; not only will you make someone else's day, but shifting the focus from self is mood lifting in and of itself.

Make Positive Media Choices 
In college I sought out a lot of music that actually increased my depression. Music and all the arts are amazing expressions of human experience and emotion, but as Athena notes, while some music and other media can be cathartic, over time consumption of too much "negative" media can leave you stuck. Instead find media that soothe your spirit. (My all-time favorite therapeutic song is The Beatles' Let it Be. Also
remember that "laughter truly is often the best medicine;" seek out shows, films, and people that lift you up.

Again, none of this is a substitute for clinical treatment of depression involving medication and/therapy, but in conjunction these ways of positive self-care can help anyone stay grounded and stable.

Goodreads Book Review: Gone Girl

Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Gillian Flynn's Gone Girl is a #1 New York Times bestseller which has now been adapted into a film starring Ben Affleck. The novel's popularity should come as no surprise - after a few false starts, Flynn takes the reader on a twisted ride in which nothing and no one is as it seems.

The novel opens on the 5th wedding anniversary of Amy Elliott and Nick Dunne, who have recently moved to Missouri from New York City. The tone, rather than one of happy anticipation, is immediately ominous - and then we find out Amy has disappeared.

Nick insists he is innocent, but as detectives investigate and details unfold, his story and his nervous behavior begin to look more and more suspicious, and we witness the unraveling of what he tries to convince the public is a happy marriage. But Nick and Amy's is not just the ordinary marriage gone sour, but, as we learn, something much more sinister.

After the initial suspense (the girl is gone!), the early chapters of Gone Girl stalled a bit for me, seeming to get weighed down in insignificant details. But the mystery unfolded, things that seemed implausible, cheesy, or insignificant took on new significance. Take the Amazing Amy children's book series through which Amy's parents have amassed a fortune. The books, frankly, sound ridiculous - but through them, the Elliotts have created an idealized, fantasy version of their daughter. "Amazing Amy" is a girl and later young woman who always has the right answer, always does the right thing, and living in the shadow of her "amazing" counterpart serves as motivation for much of what "real" Amy does.

Through her use of unreliable narration, Flynn masterfully screws with the reader's head. The story is told alternately by Nick in real time and by Amy in a series of diary entries dated from 2005, when she first meets Nick, to shortly before her disappearance. Both Nick and Amy are prone to frequent omissions and outright lies, and soon the reader doesn't know whose story to believe.

Flynn manages to do many things with Gone Girl. The story is as much a psychological thriller as a classic whodunit story. It also serves as an interesting commentary on the media circus surrounding "unsolved mysteries" and crime stories, from the Ellen Abbot show (think Nancy Grace) to the sleazy defense attorney Nick hires to the ever-shifting public opinion and the paparazzi perpetually parked on Nick's lawn. It even delves into gender relations in both subtle and more overt ways - the most overt being Nick's misogynistic, Alzheimer's riddled father, prone to uncoherent rants against "bitches" who have wronged him. (Note: major spoilers in the link prior).

I've come across a lot of people who really did not like the ending of Gone Girl, which I won't spoil. I'll depart from popular opinion here. I can't say I "enjoyed" the novel's ending (or in some ways, lack of an ending). But in some ways it seemed perfectly fitting to the story that the ending would be as ominous, foreboding, and uncertain as the beginning. After all, Gone Girl is a story that sticks in your mind long after it is "finished."


View all my reviews

Goodreads Book Review: The Giver

The Giver by Lois Lowry
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

I figure that now that the film version of The Giver is almost out, it's time for me to write a review of the book. I'm going to try to keep this about just the book - if I see the movie I'm going to try to evaluate that on it's own standing even though I'm not entirely pleased with some of the choices they've apparently made with it. I'm also going to just review The Giver on its own as a novel, even though it's the first in a four-book series. I finally did get around to reading the other books in the series, and though they take things in an interesting direction and provide some closure that The Giver on its own lacks, in some ways I prefer The Giver as its own independent story.

I read this book when I was 13, and it is one of the books or maybe the book from childhood that has made the most lasting impression on me. It's just such a simply written, yet powerful story, written at a level suitable for middle schoolers but with themes much more mature than the average young adult novel.

In drawing the reader into protagonist Jonas' world, Lois Lowry shows that sometimes the simplest writing is the most evocative. Jonas is a twelve-year-old boy, and in some ways he seems like a typical preteen boy, but in the community he lives in, everything is perfect and orderly. There is no war, hardship, or poverty, and everyone knows their place. Their future is set out by the community leaders.

But as the novel opens prior to the ceremony where the "Twelves" will receive their vocational assignments, Jonas is feeling apprehensive. And when he receives the role of "The Receiver" to be trained under the wise, aged "Giver," his perfect world is turned upside down.

Jonas's role as the Receiver is to receive memories from "the time before." Every time he meets with the Giver, he receives a memory of something his community no longer has. These memories start out simple - pets, Christmas, sledding - and gradually become more poignant and emotional as Jonas experiences everything from familial love to loss, fear, and pain. As he continues with the Giver, Jonas begins to question all that he has accepted about his community and his life.

I think the reason The Giver works so well is that the reader experiences everything with Jonas. So when Jonas first begins to see flickers of color (yes, all color was stricken from the community in the name of sameness) we imagine what it would be like not to know the color red. From little details that we take for granted to powerful emotions, Lowry makes us question what we would really trade away in search of a "perfect" world.

Yes, some things about Jonas's community don't "make sense." I'm not entirely clear how they have removed color from the community, how memories are transmitted from the Giver to Jonas, etc. And then there are the pills that every community resident takes when they experience their first "stirrings" (sexual urges). I had thought these pills were strictly for controlling or suppressing their sexuality, but both The Giver and later books in the series suggest that they prevent people from forming deep attachments or emotions at all. So why are they not taken until puberty, to prevent children from bonding with the people who raise them but can't be really called "parents"?

However. I've never been one to need dystopian literature to be realistic, and in the case of The Giver adds to the sense of mystery. It is the same for the purposefully up-in-the-air ending. Later books in the series do provide closure as to what happens to Jonas and to Gabriel, the baby Jonas's father had been caring for. However, I almost prefer the way The Giver ends on a note of mystery and wonder.

5 stars for being one of the most powerful books of my childhood/adolescence.


View all my reviews

Perfectionism, Creativity, Crafting, & Bottlecap Magnets

Perfectionism is definitely something I can relate to.While it can get me doing things merely in an effort to impress others, my style of perfectionism is more likely to relentlessly compare myself to others, determine I don't "add" up, and then decide something is not worth the effort because I can't do it as well as so many others. (Graduate school was an especially tough time for me regarding this, by the way). Obviously, this is a very limiting habit to have, and I often find it competing with my desire to create. Perfectionism in fact feels to me like the enemy of creativity, of taking risk, trying new things, or doing things from the sheer love of doing them rather than out of a need for illusive perfection.

So I'm trying to feed my inner creativity and starve my perfectionism. As noted previously, I like to dabble in crafts. I'm not a craft blogger and don't intend to be. For one thing, my camera phone and photography skills are a little lacking. However, I enjoy making things, and since I have a blog AND a Pinterest account, I can share them with people just to share something that makes me happy, not in an effort to compete. Yeah, there are so many people out there so much "better" at crafting than me, but that's ok.

My current/ongoing project is bottle cap magnets, pictured below.

You may have seen various bottle cap products in stores, from magnets to key chains. You can decorate the front or the back of bottle caps (from old beer or old-fashioned soda bottles, yay for recycling!) with anything from photos to rhinestones to scrapbook paper.

The ones I make are pretty simplistic, actually, and I double the recycling effect by finding pictures that appeal to me from old magazines. You can even use old junk mail images. Then I just cut the image into a circle the size of the bottle cap, fold it slightly around the inside of the bottle cap and glue it. Craft stores carry pre-cut magnets with adhesive on one side, so I just stick that on the back and stick the magnet on the fridge. Simple, cheap, and fun!

Some of mine are a bit messier looking because I used too much glue, making the paper bubble up. For a smoother,  more professional effect, you can buy Epoxy Dots and stick them on top of your image. Or make them the cheap and easy way, like I do. :). Either way, these magnets are a fun way to personalize your fridge, and they make great gifts too.

bottle cap magnets